i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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