as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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