I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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