listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
