I just saw a hot homeless man
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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