It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well I just put wine in my tea
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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