What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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