Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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