I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
