I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
