Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
