i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
