That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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