Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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