i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
