Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i came on her dog
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Pants are for mortals
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
