I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
