dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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