Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We left the knife in your bed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
