dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
