i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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