just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
