I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
