you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
