dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
