you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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