i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize