btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
