Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she smelled like a LAN party
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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