I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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