I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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