Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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