The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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