I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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