i jhust puked up my retainher.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
