he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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