Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
