I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
