New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
