I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
