I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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