My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
