I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She said her name was "party"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
