Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
