Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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