Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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