My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My liver just had a heart attack.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
