when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
