dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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