if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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