Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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