She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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