she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i think my cat just said my name.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
