Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
