I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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