Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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