I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
