i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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