$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
