mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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