I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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