my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
